Thursday, 5 June 2014

In Memoriam



Sometimes, life has a way of surprising, or rather, shocking you out of your skin. Everything’s going fine, you’re making plans, and then…. wham!!!

I’m guessing that through Facebook, many of you already know about what I’m talking about – the sudden death of my Mother in law. She was in her late sixties, a diabetic and with arthritic knees, but otherwise okay with no life threatening disease. We spent Friday and Saturday at her place, leaving only after dinner on Saturday. She was perfectly fine, making big plans and sounding really excited about her U.S based elder son and family coming to visit in June. She was especially thrilled at meeting her grand kids after two and a half years. How big they must be!!

Sunday passed as usual, she saw a few patients (she’s a doctor), pottered about the house and then went to bed. She got up on Monday morning complaining about pain in her left arm, applied some balm, said she felt too tired to eat breakfast and went to lie down. My father in law had his breakfast and went to check on her, but she seemed fast asleep. Suddenly, she made this gasping sound and looked like she was choking. My FIL called a doctor from the nearby hospital, who came and said that things looked really bad and that she was unlikely to make it. Within 10 minutes, she was gone. Just like that.

I couldn’t believe it at first. But she was perfectly okay, how did this happen?? A thousand questions. Disbelief from everyone who was informed. Relatives, friends, family members - pouring in from all directions.

It was heart breaking to look at my father in law’s face. After their children flew the nest, it’s been just the two of them for the past twenty years. Their relatives and extended family live quite far away, and with age, visits dwindled down to once or twice a year. I can’t begin to imagine how he must have felt at that moment.

We debated about how to tell Cub. His paternal grandmother was the playmate grandparent, the one who didn’t mind the mess as long as he had fun. My mother eventually explained what happened and waited for questions. But he had none. Probably the only one who didn’t have any. He just nodded his head and walked away. He never asked for her after that, but he was in a bad mood all the time, throwing tantrums and acting out.

It has been a hard time, these past few weeks. The American brother arrived with his family two days later, and we’ve all been with my FIL. Everyone’s presence has offered him some comfort and he seems better. But they’ll leave this Sunday, and Cub’s school starts on Monday as well. Living arrangements are being discussed, since FIL can’t be left alone, but he’s reluctant to leave his old home and move in with us. Nothing’s the same anymore. Everything’s changed and we have no choice but to accept those changes and move forward.


In spite of everything, I think we’re doing okay. My FIL has restarted going for his morning walk and seems more interested in his food. Cub has settled down and is now looking forward to going back to school. I’ve restarted my writing, though the internet and electricity are quite shaky here. The rains have offered some respite from the heat and it somehow feels like it’s washing away the dust and clearing up a way to look ahead.



I am glad that my Mother in law was happy and content when she died, although she didn’t get to meet her other grandkids. I pray that she rests in peace. I pray that the family recovers soon and finds its way forward, accompanied by happy memories of a beloved mother and grandmother. 

Source



18 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for you loss. Let almighty give you peace and strength to move forward :(

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    1. Thank you Opal. Yes, may God grant us strength to deal with this.

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  2. I am sorry for your loss. May her soul rest in peace. It is really hard on the surviving spouse. I say this also based on seeing my father going through this grieving phase after we lost my mother about 7 months ago. May you and your whole family find strength and peace.

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    1. My deepest condolences to you too Beloo. I can understand that the feeling of loss never really goes away, though time does help to heal. Hugs and prayers.

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. May she be at peace. Prayers for her and for all of you. Hugs and love.

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  4. There is so much you have said here, Fab. Anything I say will take away from the grief. Death is hard, especially on the young, for they are not even aware of what it means, completely. I pray for the soul of your mother-in-law and strength for your father-in-law to come to terms with this irreplaceable loss. Many warm hugs go out to you.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Shailaja. Yes, I think its his life that's changed the most and that's why he needs the most strength and support.

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  5. I am really sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's passing. As you said when she passed away she was happy so that count a lot and she did not suffer. I hope and pray that you all get through this and come out stronger on the other side. That you were able to write it shows you are dealing with it which in itself a good thing. Peace.

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    1. Yes, everyone who visited us said that she was lucky to not have suffered even a day in hospital. We are all moving on in our own ways, one day at a time.

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  6. Very sorry for your loss Fab...take care...

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  7. I am so terribly sorry for your loss! My heart goes out to you. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you learn to go on without her. So sad for you. Just take it one day at a time. May God bless you all. ♥ HUGS!

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    1. Thank you so much, Kathy. Yes, we're taking it one day at a time and hope everyone gets back to normal soon.

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  8. May her soul rest in peace.

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  9. So sorry to hear about the loss of your mother-in-law, I only just realised from the comment you left. Hope Cub and your father in law are doing better and you all find peace.

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    1. Thank you so much for coming here and commenting. Yes, we're much better now; life is moving on and everyone is looking ahead.

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